http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html Carla Ulbrich: Blog Jannis' PHPRss class - http://www.jannis.to/ Sun, 05 Sep 2010 17:36:19 -0700 http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/how_i_spent_my_summer
Early in the summer I decided to finally get some help with the chronic pain in my shoulder which I had attributed to my existing health issues. Turns out there's a tumor on, of all places, my funny bone (the humerus). Well, then it turns out that's not what was causing the pain- I also had tendonitis and an impingement. So, I got some physical therapy and, well that was the best possible way to spend about 8 or 10 of my summer afternoons. After 18 years of almost non-stop pain, I'm feeling *much* better! I wonder if I'll still be funny if I'm not in chronic pain? Well, I guess we'll find out.

I also spent a large part of my summer doing the final edits (and the final final edits) of my upcoming book, a collection of essays about my adventures in health care. Hopefully that will come out in Feb. or March 2011. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch your head. ("It's better than Cats!")

Meanwhile, I got a gig at the Seagull's Nest on Sandy Hook (NJ), a great place to watch the sunset. I sang a lot of cover tunes and a few of my own songs in temperatures ranging from 60 degrees to 105 (sometimes on the same day) and winds that required duct tape to hold down the mic stand. The people there are great, and it was fun doing a bar/ restaurant gig, something I haven't done in years. I had an Italian Ice on the way home from the gig every time, something you don't find along the roadside much in SC. I used to do lots of bar gigs back in South Carolina. Probably because if you live in SC and you refuse to play bars, you won't be working at all. The upside of living in SC back then was that you weren't allowed to drink on Sundays, so the bars started the music at 10pm and closed at midnight on Saturdays- made for an easy night.

A trip to the homeland (South Carolina) to see my parents, gigs with Dan Hart, John Forster, Throwing Toasters and (at Philly Folk Festival) Deirdre Flint, Adam Brodsky, Butch Ross, and Barry Rabin, and, well there you have it. I guess that explains why the summer went so fast. I wish I'd had a little more time to hang out in the pool during those 105 degree days, but at least I'm pain-free now and have a completed manuscript to show for my missed afternoons at the pool.

And now, back to my regularly scheduled guitar lessons, songwriting and (indoor) gigs.]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/how_i_spent_my_summer Sun, 05 Sep 2010 17:36:19 -0700 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/writing_about_writing
I write usually when I get up, while my mind is fresh, or late at night, when the whole neighborhood is quiet. I’m usually teaching guitar lessons in the afternoon. My next-door neighbors have lots of keg parties, so I don’t even bother trying to write on weekend nights.

I don’t deal well with noise distractions. There’s nothing I can do about that stupid leafblower that shows up every Tuesday for five hours. My husband is far more cooperative. Sometimes when he’s listening to music, I gently offer him a pair of headphones. Or if he’s playing the guitar, I suggest maybe my office upstairs might be more comfortable for him. He always obliges.

every couple hours i have to get off the chair before my butt molds into the shape of the chair. i find doing something really mundane, like sweeping the sidewalk, helps me clear my head and even sort out something i might have been stuck on. Julia Cameron (the artist’s way) refers to these kinds of repetitive “mindless” tasks (mowing the lawn, taking a walk, sweeping, taking a shower, washing dishes) as “artist brain” activities- they occupy your left brain, the side where the critic lives, enough to allow the right brain to work uninhibited.

i don’t like to work in clutter, so sometimes part of my procrastination ritual is cleaning. Just the clutter. I leave the sweeping for later, to placate my right brain.

Why aren’t I using my office to write? Too messy. Plus, if I go downstairs to get a snack, I might not remember to come back up. I pushed a couple card tables together in the kitchen and put a big piece of plywood and a tablecloth over them and took it over. There’s room for the laptop, the manuscript, my scraps of paper, my pens, liquid paper, and a big glass of green tea. And a couple squares of chocolate. All my projects are chocolate-fueled.

My absolute favorite place to write is on an airplane. You’re trapped and there is nothing else to do. That’s a pretty expensive office, so I only write on the plane when I’m already going on a trip.

As far as time goes, I try to take a somewhat disciplined approach to writing. if I only wrote when the muse struck, I wouldn’t get much done. And I find when doing a large project, like a book (as opposed to writing a song or a blog entry), I need to work in one large block of time so I don’t repeat myself. I use my iCal program, and every month I block out writing time for almost every day. Some days it’s just an hour, other days 3-4 hours.

As far as planning what I’m going to say, I have a very undisciplined approach. I try to write from a place of deep honesty, as much honesty as I can muster. I don’t want to sound contrived or academic, or preachy. I still have my papers from high school to remind me I’m capable of that. So, for that reason, I don’t plan out the book in advance. I like to let it reveal itself to me as I write. I basically splat my feelings all over the page, then try to mold them into something slightly less maniacal later. Sometimes you don’t know what you have to say until you start saying it, so I like to allow myself the chance at the beginning to say anything and everything I need to say.

Of course, not only are the reviews of my book not out, the books itself is not out yet, so take my pontifcations on writing with a grain of salt. Writing a book is a much longer effort than writing a song ("Stairway to Heaven" and "Freebird" excepted).

And now that I'm done writing about writing I'll go back to singing about singing.]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/writing_about_writing Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:38:09 -0800 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/whats_my_problem_with_steves_anyway
I figured he can't be the only Steve out there wondering what my problem was, so I'm sharing my response with all of you:

At one point in my life I was dating not one, but 3 guys named Steve. All at once. It's the only time in my life I've dated
more than one person at a time, and it was all above board- we were all pretty casual, just doing goofy things together like haunted houses, bike rides, comedy clubs. Finally, at one point I had to choose a Steve.

So actually i was being facetious- not only would I date someone named Steve, i would date 3 guys named Steve. At once. But the joke was so inside that no one but me knows what I really meant when I wrote it. In fact, when I sing it in concert, I usually replace the name "Steve" with someone else in the room who everyone else knows, like the soundman, the presenter, or the other person on the stage if there is one. then i have to make up another rhyme on the spot.

And that's the truth! I'm actually quite fond of Steves.

Hear the song:
http://www.carlaulbrich.com/music-1.html]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/whats_my_problem_with_steves_anyway Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:36:11 -0800 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/small_town_police_blotter
Stolen potted plants. Cats in trees. Drunken disorderly, with names and everything.

I was reminded of this when we stopped for a bite in Pismo Beach, CA and I was reading the local paper. A couple highlights from the 9/17 edition of the Coastal news:

A woman on the 400 block of Longview reported that her quarter full bottle of absinthe had been missing for a week. Interrogate her liver; I suspect it knows where the missing spirits are.

A former tenant of a residence on the 300 block of Windward Ave reportedly made a copy of the garage door remote and would drive by and open the door.

Someone on the 1300 block of Costa Brava reported they had a headache.

Great stuff.]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/small_town_police_blotter Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:34:17 -0700 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/extreme_time_management So I came up with some time-saving techniques:

-check e mail only once a day (this may feel like crack withdrawal, but you'll get over it).

-keep a master to do list and use a highlighter to select the stuff that just can't wait (note: do not use a highlighter pen on a computer screen).

-have different tote bags for different places: guitar teaching, gym, comedy class. then you can just grab and go.

-every night before going to bed, prep for the next day with packing lists (if you're going somewhere), set lists, directions printed out, and a short to-do list of the 2-4 things that MUST get done that day. it's important to keep that list short. then anything else that gets done is a bonus.

-i have a system of post-it notes by my bathroom mirror. i have one for wed. that says "teach at 330 leave by 240" thurs says "teach at 2 leave by 115" one that just says "GIG" one that says "comedy class 6pm" one that says "teach guitar class at 7". Sometimes there are 2 or 3 post-its for one day. Naturally, if it gets too humid in the bathroom (a distinct possibility), my whole system falls apart.

-i have a box of index cards on my desk where i jot down ideas for essays, blogs, songs. i put them in the front, pull the blanks for the back. Works kind of like a fishnet, capturing them all. Of course I really should go back through them sometime before they started smelling like old carp.

-re: getting the cd done fast, i spent a lot of time in prep before going in to the studio. i transcribed the entire thing, every "um" and every single word i said, with the time next to it. (as in "35:02 into the recording, somebody coughed"). If I was ever in danger of overcoming any remaining self-consciousness, this process should fix that.

-and lastly i think multitasking sucks, and i'm getting more into single-tasking when i can. isn't it messed up that i had to invent a word for doing one thing at a time?

then i went into extreme time management mode, which i really don't recommend:
-combine errands into one trip
-postpone errands trip
-stop socializing
-forget how to relax
-cut back on sleep
-stop going to the gym
- take really fast showers
-wash hair once a week, max
-on second thought, shave head
-eat nothing but meal replacement bars
-ignore all phone calls
-talk to spouse once a week
-make to-do lists
-ignore to-do lists

And whatever you do, don't invite anyone to the house, because you'll just have to clean before they get there and again after they leave.

you, too, can lose your sense of humor (and friends) in this easy to follow 14-step program.]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/extreme_time_management Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:44:46 -0700 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/hey_you_kids_get_outta_my_pool
I don't care if they enforce the no diving rule, but the "babies must wear a diaper" rule i think is kind of important. The "no alcoholic beverages" and "no drunk people" i think are almost as important.

The other day I was swimming my laps, and 5 drunk people came in. They decided to race, and of course couldn't swim in a straight line, so i stood in the shallow end. then one of the landlubber drinks offered $50 to whoever won the next race. $50? I'm in! Can't beat 'em, can't expect the lifeguard to throw them out, may as well join them. I lost to one guy by about 3 feet, and the other guy quit swimming because his pants feel down. I guess he wasn't so wasted he didn't notice his pants falling off.

On second thought, if they enforce the "no drunks" rule, things would be less interesting. But I'm still pro-diaper. Maybe even for the drunks.]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/hey_you_kids_get_outta_my_pool Tue, 19 Aug 2008 18:33:07 -0700 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/hairbands
next up: getting the thing mastered at some point later this month. my engineer is in the middle of moving and his "day job" (doing sound for ESPN, which usually happens at night), so this may not happen for a few more weeks. but he doesn't need me for this part, thank the lord. much of today while he was listening to things at intolerable volume levels, i occupied myself in the other room playing guitar and reading his pictorial of KISS: the early years. yes i'm a closet metal head. i, in fact, was a rather overt metal head from about age 15 to 25 or so. but i love all music, even rap if it's good. ok i don't love 12-tone. i really hate 12-tone. but i don't consider that music. i consider that an intellectual exercise.

you might be surprised at how many metalheads there are at a folk gathering. Somehow i got started on Van Halen and the Sunset Strip in Hollywood standing around at the Swannanoa Gathering last week. Me and this guitar builder were babbling for about an hour before we realized how bizarre it was to be standing around in the middle of a folk gathering debating whether Ratt and Great White were legitimate bands or just part of the hair band craze.

The great thing about being metalheads is you forget to talk about politics. Maybe a long debate about David lee Roth vs Sammy Hagar (that would be a short debate actually) followed by bootlegs of old Van Halen concerts would finally bring world peace. Because when Dave was at his prime, you really couldn't tear your eyes away. there would be no attention left for guns and war. You might saaaaaay I'm a dreamer....]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/hairbands Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:29:45 -0700 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/too_much_stuff
This was part 10 of 99 in the series "carla decides what to do with all her belongings." some of the decisions are getting easy as things get covered in mold... of course there were several prequel series: "carla gets her crap out of the upstairs guest area of her parents' house" "Carla clears out 2 storage units, one in Florida and one in Clemson" And the unforgettable "Carla's crap depart's Dave's guest room." (a.k.a the titles "Dave gets his closet back," and "hey there's carpet in here!")

At one point my crap was spread around 5 places (mom/dad, storage, storage, dave's, joe's). now it is only in 2 homes. i'm starting to think just maybe i have too much crap...

I've concluded that the real reason Jesus' disciples gave away all their belonging was that their moms wanted their guest rooms back.]]> http://carlaulbrich.com/blog.html/too_much_stuff Tue, 05 Aug 2008 18:56:27 -0700 Professional Smart Aleck - Carla Ulbrich - Blog