Carla Ulbrich: Listen

• MP3 play whole song, hi-fi (broadband)
• MP3 play whole song, lo-fi (modem)

I dedicate this to my former shrink who "didn't have time to listen to my problems" and ended up in jail for Medicaid fraud.

I used to be leery of shrinks
I thought psychologists were jerks
But now look at me exhibit C
Proof that therapy works

Session One she asks me
"Now where shall we start?"
I said "I wish I were more together
That feeling tears me apart

I’m concerned I might be worrying too much
And I can’t stop thinking about whether I’m obsessive
Everybody thinks I’m paranoid
Gank thod I’m not lysdexic"

I used to be leery of shrinks
I thought psychologists were jerks
But now look at me exhibit C
I’m proof that therapy works

She says I should stop saying should
And I said "Yeah you’re right. I should.
But I can’t stop saying can’t."
She said "Now never say never." I said…
"I never would"

One of these days I’m going to stop procrastinating
I put it on my list every day
But I seriously doubt I can stop being negative
I mean what’s the point of that anyway?

She gets 90 bucks an hour
And more than a couple perks
But I carry no resentment
‘cause I’m proof that therapy works

I have shown so much improvement
I am sure I’m on the mend
‘Cause I have stopped repeating myself
Over and over and over again
Ad nauseum redundantly
Repeatedly without end…

And I no longer constantly exaggerate
Every single thing all of the time
And I have ceased endless rambling in run-on sentences that make no sense and that no one seems to care about except maybe me and even that is sometimes questionable and I watch as people’s eyes glaze over as if they had been up for 3 days straight studying for an exam or maybe driving all night because they forgot to reserve a hotel room and they were in Florida and they were afraid to pull over and take a nap because they had just read Flannery O’Connor’s
"A Good Man is Hard to Find"

But of all I’ve overcome so far
Of this I am most proud:
I no longer need to discuss my problems
In the presence of a crowd

Yes I’m ever so much better now
It drives my jealous friends berserk
Get a sliding scale fee you can be like me
Proof that therapy works